Non Believer

 I've needed to step away from blogging for a short bit to really focus on some huge life decisions. Decisions that will ultimately change my family's life, my life, and my identity. I have always felt my career has been a strong definition of who I am, and who I am as a person. My career shows my abilities. I have always wanted to help others. I have always wanted to continue learning and grow intellectually. One of my mentors, who continues to mentor me today, told me, "The day you stop learning, or wanting to grow, is the day you die." This is part of Top 20 thinking. If you've never heard of it, I encourage you to look into it. I had the opportunity to teach Top 20 during my student teaching. I not only learned about how to be in the top 20% of people who think and work, but also, how to work with the bottom 80% of thinkers.

Every person has their own purpose in a group. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. What I loved about the idea of being an educator is being surrounded by different thinkers, but all of them wanting the same outcome; a positive culture and environment, facilitate learning to students, and show and teach compassion, uniqueness, kindness, and resilience. What I realized is that this really isn't the case in every environment. Some environments have outstanding culture of staff and students. Others, it is a struggle. The greatest thing about life, is learning different perspectives. I know in the last two years, my perspective has changed many times in regards to communication, chronic illness, our healthcare system, equity, and friendships.

When COVID first shut down the world no one really knew what it would do to people. We knew it was extremely contagious, and we knew, people were dying from it. When I got COVID, November 2020, there still was little information on how the virus effects the body. Now, 18 months later, we know so much more! We know how the virus invades and can destroy the nervous system. We know it can affect the heart and lungs and cause permanent damage that you can't see, and have no control over.

Over the last six weeks I have met the non believers. And that is okay. This blog isn't to win over the non believers. This post is about the non believers and the treatment of others. Sometimes the non believers are just not educated enough    . Every person deserves respect, and every person should feel supported. This is what I mean about the non believers: rolling of the eyes when hearing about my symptoms, talking about how I'm just faking it to get out of work. Well, you believe what you want. However, I challenge you to talk to a family member of someone who has been diagnosed with Post Covid Syndrome. Heck, I even challenge you to talk to someone who has a chronic illness. Do you want to know something? It is hard to "see" a chronic illness. It is impossible to feel their pain they experience on a daily level. Talk to the friends of the person with a chronic illness and ask them how often I have to cancel plans because of a flare up. How would you feel if all of a sudden your vison becomes blurry and you can't do work on a computer? Until you have experienced this, it is not fair to judge what that person truly has going on.

The topic of compassion and grace has been used thousands of times over the last year. I've noticed most of the time they are words without true follow through. I've seen less and less compassion from people I would least expect it from. I have also found the people who are truly behind me, and that is really what matters. I've received the most support from the people I least expected, and that is pretty amazing. THANK YOU! I don't need to name names, because you know who you are. You're the person who sends a text to check in. You are the person who prays for healing, or sending of good energy. You're the person or group of people who truly show the meaning of the season of Christmas and give without being asked. I've eliminated the toxic people and have surrounded myself with those who are really on my team. It truly takes too much energy to focus on the people who think less of you.

I have learned how to not let other people's opinion and views change my message. I mentioned perspective earlier and how my perspective has changed. I'll admit, I was judgmental to those who claimed to have certain chronic conditions which did not allow them to work. Now, I have so much respect for them. Why? Because I am now one of them. I have walked in their shoes. I have so much more compassion and understanding of people and their needs as humans. Our society puts an enormous amount of pressure on us to keep going, push through it, you'll be fine, type of attitude. The thing is, I did do that. I did try and push through. I pushed through until my body said, this is enough. I still push through some of the days. And I have days now, that are amazing. I have days, like yesterday, where I haven't felt that well in almost 2 years. Having a chronic condition and really not being able to be in control of your body is frustrating. Especially with Post Covid Syndrome, there are so many triggers, and you never know if this is the ONE that is going to knock you out for the day.

COVID hit me hard, but I'm fighting back. I will not let COVID define me, or let it be the definition of who I am. Yes, I've accepted this illness and everything that comes with it. I said it has been a busy week of making decisions. Decisions about my future. Decisions about my job. Decisions on how to continue to pay my bills. Decisions on what is best for my mental, physical, and social health. It was a hard decision to make, but in the end, it is the right decision. I resigned from teaching because it was what was best for my students and what was best for me. I miss my students so much!

There is a song called "Non Believer," by La Rocca.

The song can mean a lot of different things for different people. The reason I point out this song is because we all have things in our lives that we are just unsure of, which is why I am doing this blog. I am on a mission to share my story. I share my story for the non believer. I share my story for people to know there is help out there.

Every person has their own battle going on inside, the things we can't see. You can't see the damage done by COVID on the outside. So ask. Just ask the questions. Each COVID patient has a different story. I want people to ask me questions. I want to be helpful. I've always wanted to help, hence going back to school to teach. I wanted to make a difference. My plan has been altered because of COVID so I need to come up with a new plan. What that new plan looks like, I'm not completely sure. I just know that COVID took my career I went back to school for at 30 years old. It took me away from something I LOVED! It took me away from one opportunity to make a difference. While my teaching days are over, for now, I can find another way to help people.

My final thought......you don't know what you don't know until you ask. If I didn't want people to ask, I wouldn't be here sharing. So please ask away! Send me a DM through my Instagram. If you would like to check out the article that was done a few weeks back, I've linked it HERE. If you have gained anything from reading this today, go to the source before making assumptions. Take a minute before you judge that person for their actions. Think how you would feel, if someone would do that to you. 

"In a world where you can be anything, be kind," 

Happy holidays. Be safe. Check in on your friends who are extra quiet.